How to Save Your Marriage

If you're not making love, you're making war.

It Happens

When you're single, there's an inner voice that lies to you. It whispers after random moments about how great your particular marriage will be someday. This enchanting voice tells you that everything's going to be magical. That you'll be so in love that nothing major will go wrong. Before you know it, you're married. Congratulations. For a few months it really is magically, but then at some point the shit hits the fan. All of a sudden the horror stories and jokes you've heard start to make sense. With the divorce rate being as high as it is, trust that you are not alone. Problems will happen.

Now let's take a deep breath and relax as we talk about the comical and painful subjects of marriage. We're going to talk about problems and solutions, yet keep in mind your situation is your own. If you happen to be in a rough marriage, this article gives your mind a chance to recalculate what's needed to help fix your problems. Let's talk about how to save your marriage.

These are the topics:

OK, let's get started.

The Root of All Evil

We've been told that money is the root of all evil. This is not necessarily true. The root of all evil is dissatisfaction, not money. This is the truth behind the expression, "money doesn't buy happiness." Rich people are not immune to marriage problems and often seek how to save their marriage because more money can often generate more problems without proper influence.

You can have millions in the bank and still be dissatisfied. How many kingdoms, millionaires, or billionaires have been destroyed due to the dissatisfaction lurking within? A dissatisfied person may be more inclined to act in ways they normally wouldn't. Ways in which may surprise you. Ways in which many completely derail their marriage. Dissatisfaction seems only healthy for matters you feel you can overcome. For matters appearing impossible is where the Devil lives. If you are constantly stressed, you are more vulnerable to making destructive decisions that could not only hurt you, but completely destroy any chance of saving your marriage.

Ask yourself, are you truly suffering or is it just a self inflicted concoction amplified by your mind? Your mind is so powerful. It's your best friend, yet your worst enemy. If you let it, it can exponentially drown your soul in sorrow before you realize it. Do not let this pain demolish who you are. Burdens do not have to define you because there will always be problems in this world and you have to deal with them. If you are dissatisfied in your relationship, ask your mate for help with the pain you are feeling. You do not have to be strong all by yourself.

You may think your mate should be able to read your mind by now, but they never will. Wholeheartedly accepting this is the first step of how to save your marriage. Even if you magically believe they know something's wrong, do not wait for them to ask. Tell them before you completely lose your happiness and do something you'll regret for eternity. They can't help you, if you don't give them the chance. All you have to do is start with the core reason why you're unhappy. When you don't, it can be extremely difficult for them to understand your issues, which defeats the purpose of the conversation. Only afterwards should you mention related concerns once the root problem has been revealed. So many arguments are started because the root issue was not mentioned first. Documenting your thoughts does help. Putting all the bothersome crap floating in your mind on paper allows you to analyze their significance piece by piece. It gives you a foundation to formualize your thoughts before speaking.

In general, life is hard. With marriage, it's even harder because it's not just about you anymore. Now there's two lives to manage and both crave happiness 24/7. For those with children, simply saying life is hard is an understatement. Sure, the help or relief your mate provides may only be temporary, but you must feel and show appreciation for those actions. Never be too big and bad to ask for their help. You must seek their relief every single time you feel stressed. That's what they are there for. It doesn't matter how silly or painful the dissatisfaction is. Just make sure you establish a rule that allows one another to freely communicate their dissatisfactions. The awesome thing about Sextract is that it provides the means to fully express your needs and desires to your mate.

How to save your marriage from the root of all evil? Just breathe and analyze the path of happiness TOGETHER. Leverage each other's strengths to minimize, if not eliminate, dissatisfaction.

Falsified Hate

Sometimes we trick ourselves into hating someone we love. This can happen in any relationship, including marriage. Let's not debate about hate being such a strong word. Just enjoy the damn article. Have you ever witnessed a child so upset that they tell their parents that they hate them? "I hate you!", they scream. If they're actually a good parent, the child doesn't really hate them. They're just too tired and angry to aim for a resolution. Even as adults this still happens. People can become so upset at their mate that their mental capacity to give-a-damn feels nonexistent. They want a quick fix because in that moment they feel any effort would be completely wasted. Marriage doesn't work that way.

Holding on to any form of hate is pure poison to your soul. This prevents thoughts of how to save your marriage. It's so natural to push against an opposing force, right? A fight or an argument is just that. It's instinctual to defend yourself. In marriage, however, you have to surpress this instinct before you push the relationship in the wrong direction. If you find yourself in this hostile position, take a short moment to calm your nerves.

Grab them by the hand or give them a hug. Even if you don't feel like it, doing so will immediately make you feel better on some strange level. Afterwards, begin to speak from the heart about how much you love them or even what you love about them. Doing so will disarm your frustration and put you in a state more in tune with your feelings. Begin expressing your pain in ways that validate why you feel the way you do. It's the same strategy of having to prove your answer in math class. You know the anwser, but you need to prove why it's the answer.

Once you're done, allow them to speak. Ask them about how do they feel about what you've said. Aftwards, ask them about how they feel about you. If they're bad at this kind of stuff, just tell them to respond from the heart in their own way. Give them time to organize their thoughts and let them speak without you interrupting them. Try to save your questions and statements until the end. After several iterations MAKE UP SEX WILL FOLLOW.

How to save your marriage from moments of falsified hate? Do not keep hate in your heart for your mate. There will be situations that you feel could of been a lot better, but do not let that consume you. Do not let that situation beat you or define who you are. Let those situations motivate you to acquire a new reality that minimizes the painful thought of those situations. Never forget that sex is a great way to take out your frustrations on your mate. Instead of wasting all that energy yelling at them, just fuck their brains out. Angry sex gets a thumbs up from us.

The Great Miscommunication War

In general, men and women communicate quite contrastingly. So much so it's down right comical. This is by design. Both have advantages and disadvantages when it comes to survival, yet one cannot exist without the other. Not on Earth anyway. If there's a planet where this is possible - gross. We need the advantages of both to prosper.

So why in the fuck is it so damn hard to communicate with each other? One simple reason. We know what we know and we can't fathom the other side not understanding our perfect logic. There's something in our brain that tells us we have the entire universe figured out. How many times have you heard that men don't understand women or women just don't understand men?

A marriage ritual doesn't automatically complete a couple. It doesn't automatically make them whole. On paper it does, but in reality we know that's not true. The reality is that it's no different than integrating a two-part distributed system. If one part stops communicating with the other, then the system as a whole is no longer providing value. Likewise, if one part is misinterpreting messages from the other, then certainly the system has communication issues.

To save your marriage, you have to come together and seriously discuss how you both need to be loved. Only you can teach your lover how to love you. Commonly, married women need a detached emotional stimulus in order to crave sex. Meaning, they commonly need a fantasy-like mental state. They have to feel sexy and detached from reality before their true sexual nature can run free. In other words, women think too damn much and over analyze things to the point where it literally smothers their sexual nature until they are forced in a different direction. For men, they always crave sex and usually care nothing about achieving some level of nirvana just to do what feels natural to them.

The point is that we can learn to enjoy the actions needed in order for our mate to feel loved. It's simply give and take. If woman needs 'A' and man needs 'B', then they simply do 'A' and 'B' to keep each other happy. If you cannot learn to love the actions needed, then there has to be a compromise. Be aware though, they will not fully be satisfied, but it may be enough to save your marriage. The last thing you want is for them to feel like they cannot rely on you to fully satisfy their needs. As we discussed, people can behave in ways that are illogical when they constantly feel dissatisfied. There's always someone willing to do the things you won't do, so be careful and tell your mate to please be freely honest with you.

What about miscommunicating during arguments? Sometimes you may say something you don't mean. Unfortunately, once it's said - it's said. Trying to explain why you said it out of anger is a pain in the ass because now your mate doesn't know what to believe. Why does this happen? Why do arguments sometimes get out of hand? It's because creatures have battled for millions of years. This is an innate characteristic. To some people, an argument is a warzone that must be won by any means necessary. In war, there is no such thing as love or being considerate of one's feelings. If you're the one with this characteristic, then you have to practice being calm and sincere before you speak. If your mate is the one, then you have to point it out and talk about how disrespectful it is.

There are two channels of miscommunication. That which is unintentionally misinterpreted and the intentionally unspoken. Unintentionally misinterpreted means that you thought your mate meant something completely different from what they said. It's a very good idea to confirm what they mean, in your own words. Intentionally unspoken are the things that you should of said, but purposely didn't. If you see a potential problem, yet purposely choose to not say anything and then later it becomes real, you have failed to communicate something that could have been avoided.

How to save your marriage from miscommunication wars? In a marriage, both need to specify their expectations. Those subjects should involve sex, money, family, friends, religion, and any known pet peeves. With these expectations, you also need to know from your mate how to conduct your behavior if something bad happens. For example, say a family member needs to borrow money. Perhaps your mate doesn't agree with lending money blindly. Perhaps they feel so strongly against it that it's grounds for a divorce. If you don't talk about these things beforehand, you will be taken by surprise. What about sex? Maybe your mate wants sex 3 times a week, but never told you. They assumed it wouldn't be a problem. They failed to communicate that minor detail. A month goes by and you hadn't even thought about having sex because you're such a prude and only care about your books, but your mate cares and they're secretly considering divorcing you. Think about it.

Sex

Bang, BAng, BANG!!! If you're not banging on the regular, then what the %@#* is wrong with you? Ok, let's be fair. If you or your mate can answer yes to any of the following, then skip this section.

  • Are you a Robot?
  • Are your genitals out-of-order?
  • Are you a ghost?
  • Has the pleasure nerves in your body been destroyed?
  • Did you truthfully enjoy the movie Bridesmaids?
  • Do you think the word sex is profanity?
  • Do you drive the speed limit at all times?
  • Do you keep a box of tissue in the back window of your car?
  • Do you think oral sex is gross?
  • Are you a pallet of STDs?
  • Do you hate all races except your own?
  • Would you prevent your child marry a different race?
  • Does your home scream unsanitary?
  • Do you kiss your pets in the mouth?

Great, you're still here. You either passed the test or can't follow directions. Whatever, moving on. Sex is an essential glue that holds (or sticks?) the marriage together. If you're busy having sex, you don't have time to fight. If you're busy having sex, you don't have time to worry about the unknowns. If you're busy having sex, you forget about how stressful work is. The good news is that you can do it all over again the next day! Sex is the most important bond that keeps a marriage happy.

But wait... before marriage, you were humping all around like porn stars, but now... you can barely remember the last time you had sex. What happened? This is why most men dread marriage and try to avoid it as long as possible. Men learn early on that once you get married your sex life is over. Women, however, dream about getting married as little girls. For most women, marriage is more about spending their life with the person they love. They're thinking about how beautiful it is that someone's willing to commit their mind, body, and soul to them forever. They're thinking about all the sugar and spice and everything nice, not sex. This is most confusing and frustrating for a lot of men because before marriage, the woman is usually ready for a naughty throw down whenever and wherever. After marriage though, it's just one of those things that happens if it happens and if it doesn't - there's always next year. There's no sense of urgency. The thirst just seems depleted. What seems even more confusing is that these type of women still want to feel sexy, yet don't care about the act of sex as much as men do. If anything, those women that used to be freaks now care more about the 8 hours of foreplay than sex, which is boring for most men.

Before marriage, unfortunately, most men already know what to expect. Early on they've been groomed with the horrors of marriage from TV shows, peers, family, and older men. So when a man proposes to a woman, it's more of a tremendous event than they are given credit for. Regardless, they hold on to hope that they'll still have sex whenever and however they want. An unlikely dream, but it's important to dream anyway, right? This is why strip clubs, porn, and whores will never go out of business. For a man, sex is life. If he can't have sex, he rather be dead. By nature's design, men were built to release their sperm as much as possible. Look at the mass volume of sperm a man has compared to the eggs of a woman. The average ejaculation of a man has about 100 million sperm. A woman has about 300,000 eggs and only 300 to 400 of those will be ovulated during her reproductive era. Men are biologically designed to want sex more so than a woman without the need of detached emotional stimulation. Knowing this, to actually make the commitment of marraige (that leap of faith) is indeed very serious love.

Ok, something's wrong here. There are gigantic disconnects floating around. So before marriage sex is great and after it turns to turtle poop. Why then do people even get married? There has to be a better way, right? There is. It's called registering at Sextract. We're not joking, sign up.

The culprit is actually blind ignorance. If everything is good before marriage, what is there to talk about? Why would any of this good loving change? How is that even possible? The answer is shit happens. It's a trap most fall into. The cold truth is that you should of talked about these things BEFORE you got married. This is a conversation that should be treated like a prenuptial necessity. As you know by now, your marriage is NOT going to magically turn out better than everyone else's. It takes serious effort to make any dream come true. You have to talk about all of your "What If Scenarios." As many scenarios as you can possibly dream up. You need to exhaust that list to the point where you're vomiting up something that you ate when your were three years ago. It's just that serious. If you think you know each other, just wait until you're done with the list. There will always be unknowns, so why not eliminate as many as possible?

An important step in saving your marraige is asking your mate if they're honestly sexually satisfied. You need to know if the frequency is satisfactory. You need to know if there's something they want to try. Remind them you exist only to please them by any means. What about you though? Has there been something that you've wanted to tell them? The trick is to keep revisiting that conversation every now-and-then so your sex life doesn't totally fall off. When life happens, people get distracted and forget about the romance. It doesn't mean your mate doesn't love you. When stress happens, it can completely derail a loving couple. Do not get offended when you notice it. Just very lovingly start a conversation about it. Being married means revisiting each other's physical and emotional well-being to make sure the relationship is solid. There are going to be tough times, some more hell than others. It should be the understood responsibility to keep each other physically and emotionally strong. This is why Sextract is so powerful. It automatically handles scheduling you for sex and provides features for getting to know what your mate really desires as you grow together.

Women and men have to accept that they handle stress differently. When most women are stressed, they'll never be in the mood for sex. When a man is stressed, he can still be in the mood in a matter of seconds. Women tend to relieve stress through talking. Men relieve stress through sex, weed, and alcohol. Men normally have to distress a woman's mind before she'll open the candy shop.

With that being said, men have been regularly known to no longer be in the mood, if they don't feel the woman is worth hunting for. It may sound bad, yet men love the thrill of the hunt. They have done so for millions of years. If the woman wants to be devoured as his prey, she has to visually be appealing enough for his instincts to kick-in. The visual appeal, however, goes both ways. Most women love to be captured by the peacock. In other words, don't forget to invest in your appearance. Women and men have to take pride in bettering themselves for their mate. Doing so will keep them more attracted to the person they fell in love with.

Another common problem in marriage becomes the initiation of sex, however Sextract handles this for you. The same person can't always be the initiator. The truth is sometimes the hunter wants to be the hunted. Another way to look at this is that sometimes the hunter needs a vacation. It is very important that couples take turns initiating sex. In the beginning, this is never a problem. It's not a problem because in the beginning all you want is sex because the relationship is new and exciting. The relationship is an escape from reality. You haven't spent enough time together to piss each other off yet. New relationships are fun puzzles this way. The more pieces to the puzzle you solve, the more excited you become in figuring it out. Once the puzzle is done, you're back to the lazy asshole you used to be. You stop caring to initiate because you're waiting for your mate seduce you, but at the same time, they're doing the exact same thing. So nothing happens. The Sextract sevice solves this conundrum for you by sending notifications of whose turn it is and when.

How to save your marriage from a boring sex life? You get Sextract. Secondly, mentally accept that sex should be a way of life for married folk. Sex is amazeballs. Literally. A common complaint from married couples is that they aren't in the mood because they have children... Well - can't you give them away? No??? Listen, even though you have kids, sex can still be a way of life... Wait. That's a damn lie, but you have to accept the new norm. When you fight it, it makes life seem even worse. The battle in your mind can suffocate you. Fully accept that you have kids and fully give into that realization. Yes you're always tired - accept it. Yes you have little time - accept it. This is your new norm. You have to force yourself and each other to accept it and bump those naughty bits anyway. Parents that are always stressed are the absolute worst. Sex will take away that stress, if done on a regular basis. So... Bang, BAng, BANG!!!

Who Changed?

A common fear of marriage is fearing your mate will change for the worse. For example, fearing your mate will significantly grow horizontally. Meaning, packing on excessive fat. It doesn't matter what the fear is, however, everyone has at least one about marriage. An important step in saving your marriage is accepting that marriage does change relationships. Not just yours, every marriage. People commonly assume that the person they married will never change, well they do.

Couples rarely talk about their fears and the "What Ifs" before they get married. Not doing so is the source of most of their problems. Couples need to become masters of Risk Management. This means beforehand establishing all things that makes them nervous and then documenting how to handle them should they occur. Risk management is a lot more involved than that, but hopefully you get the point. The beauty is that it's never too late to talk about these things and obviously is an important exercise in saving your marraige.

If you start to notice your fears coming to life, it is no ones responsiblity other than yours to take action. If you don't say anything, then who's fault is it? Even after talking about it, after a while you may notice your mate reverting back towards your fears. They may do well for a while, but then little-by-little they start slipping. Do not panic when you realize this because it happens to everyone including you. Everyone goes through these phases. You have to accept the responsiblity that you may have to remind your mate over-and-over again. Repetition is key with all good things in life. Just because they stopped doing the things you love, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Never act as though your mate is a machine that can follow a single instruction forever without reminders.

How do you save your marriage from your worst fears? Accept that people do and will change, but it doesn't have to be for the worst. Whether the change is related to weight, boring sex, depression, finances, or whatever, you cannot afford to be afraid to start that conversation. Sure it can be uncomfortable, but what happens if you don't? Right - you remain unsatisfied. If this is too much pressure, why not use the contract feature in Sextract? Just type out what you need from them instead of initially having to sit down and talk about something you're not fully prepared for. Of course the contracts are negotiable, but they provide an excellent guidance for the conversation. If they break the contract, you get to punish them, but play nice. Punishments should be orgasmic.

Money

Money sucks balls. It is so disrespectful that we need it to survive. As sad as that is, we have to talk about it because it's a major and common problem in marriage. People that say money doesn't buy happiness are already rich. To be happy you need to survive, right? What do you need to survive? MONEY. That means money does buy happiness, right? Well money doesn't truly buy happiness, but it does provide a platform to make things a little easier.

The problem is that a significant number of couples individually view and handle money completely different. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? What happens when you put two people in a bubble that's constantly shrinking? The bubble bursts. Money problems can utterly derail a marriage. Before we can talk about management solutions, we have to point out the differences in the way couples think.

Some people view money as oxygen. Without it, they cannot breathe. People that can't relate to this aren't shackled by this logic. For others, if they have money, great. If not, oh well. Both mindsets have good and bad qualities. One is more concerned about their financial future, while the other doesn't worry so much and rather live in the now. One mindset knows how to enjoy life with very little, while the other can't get excited about anything without it.

The ways of the world have conditioned the financial behavioral patterns of men and women. By in large, who gets into the night clubs free? Women. When it isn't free, who pays for it? Men. Who never gets into clubs free? Men. Who gets highly low priced deals on quality clothes? Women. Who has to pay high prices for basic casual jeans? Men. When a new couple goes on date, who pays for it? The man. Who's paying for that hotel room so they can smash like animals? The man. These are only a few examples, but the reality is that men pay more. It's easy to understand why most men view money as oxygen and without it they turn into dead balls. This way of thinking carries over into marriage. You may be merging incomes, but you're also merging debts and acquiring new ones.

Those bills aren't going anywhere until you pay them off, so you must sacrifice and make wise investment decisions. Take the smallest loan and pay more monthly than normal, while paying the minimum on others. Once that loan is paid off, combine what you were paying from the previous bill to the next largest bill. You keep doing this snowball effect and before you know it you'll have a bucket of money to enjoy every month. Easier said than done, but the sacrifice is worth it. It's better to spend a few years sacrificing than all your years in debt.

How to save your marriage during money problems? If a couple has money problems, it is damn tough to find happiness because they stop investing in each other. The stressful money issues can completely derails a healthy way of living, so the relationship suffers. Guess what though? If you're in the storm, you can still fight back. Building up for small victories is how you do it. A couple with very little can still invest in their happiness, if they remain strong and let their affections communicate as though it's just them against the world. Animals in the wild are great at this. Animals have their own problems, yet still manage to play around and show each other that they care. A simple strategy is to create a saving fund just for the both of you. You determine what fun you want to have and during the week(s) or month(s) you put away what you can. Small victories. Couples have to remind each other that there are ways to enjoy themselves. Hell, sex is free. Speaking of free, roleplaying at home is free - get creative. If you have kids, like we said, get creative. Sextract has a section called, "Sex Stories." Create a story to document your next roleplay.

Don't Be That Couple

Couples will have disagreements that may lead to arguments, but that does not mean they do not love each other. The caveat is being just smart enough to see a mistake around the corner and having the courage to say something in a concerned, yet loving way.

One mistake is not using Sextract to automate your sex life. Couples that attempt to have a great sex life without it may do fine for a week or two, yet they will ultimately fail to be consistent. Honestly, if you are not willing to invest in your relationship, then you deserve to fail. Whether you accept it or not, relationships take a lot of work to be successful and having consistent sex plays a major role. Let Sextract handle that for you.

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